I've heard it said that, "Apathy is the most powerful force in the universe."
And you know, I'm inclined to think that it's true. When someone loves you, and you don't care, does it really matter? When someone gives you ultimate grace in dying for you, and you don't care, does it really matter?
Two weeks ago my apathy was encompassingly pervasive. I felt like I felt nothing toward God. Yeah, I was still putting on a good show, but in my heart I was finding it extremely difficult to care. At all. Going to college at Faith is really good for teaching me a lot about God, but it's still my own responsibility to learn to know God, and I was pretty much failing at it.
And then I went on a trip. To Canada, of all places. Ben Marx has been talking about it nonstop since he went last year, and I figured it would be really good for me to try as well. I figured that, at least, it couldn't hurt; at best it could change my life. And though it wasn't like a paradigm shift for me, it did provide the time to simply stop and reflect on my life, something that was terribly missing before. It gave me the time away from the cell phone and ipod and computer and people and stuff and stuff and more stuff.
It went from Saturday the 14th to Friday the 20th of May. Saturday and Sunday were actually spent in class, learning a bunch of things to which I probably should have paid better attention. The taught us "the learning cycle" which I didn't really try to understand and a bunch of other smaller things that I had trouble caring about. Then came Monday morning! We traveled to Algonquin State Park in Ontario and put our canoes in the water and shoved off.
And thus began the most incredible five days of my life. I've had good experiences before, things that I will never forget, but those five days taught me things I don't think I could forget if I tried. I don't have time/space to go into them all here, nor do they all apply to people other than me, but I want to tell you of the one that really helped me the most.
We canoed in for two days, which was a new experience for me, since you obviously can't canoe across land, so we had to carry the canoes on our shoulders, which is called portaging, which I actually used as an illustration in Sunday School this morning, but that's beside the point. The third day, Wednesday, we did this thing they call Solo Day, which is basically what it sounds like.
Base camp was on the northern point of a peninsula jutting out into a huge lake. Three of us took a canoe and paddled across to the west about 1500 meters or so to a large island, and from there we went our separate directions, one near the canoe, one going south a bit, and I went north. I found this rock outcropping that was pretty much on the north edge of the island, separated by a small channel that I had to walk through. It was just a small island about 60 feet long and 30 feet wide. It was gorgeous!
I spent about eight hours there. No food, no distractions; just a water bottle and my bible and a notebook, sitting on a rock for eight hours. What to do, what to do?
I went up there knowing that my apathy was something that needed to change. I made it my goal for the week that I wanted to learn to love God, but I had no idea how that would take form. But I realized, sitting on that rock, a very simple truth. Love for God isn't something that just happens. Strange as it may seem that I hadn't thought of this before, it's true, and that simple truth is what God showed me. So what to do about it? Well, obviously if it doesn't just happen, I've got to be intentional about it.
I used an illustration this morning about a tree that grows on a mountain. Those trees in the valley have all the others to help dissipate the wind of the storm, but the tree on the mountain has to grow strong or it dies, and the only way to grow strong is to be firmly rooted. Well, what are my roots in? Pretty sure that when they're in my own strength, my own discipline, my own pride, I'm not very strong, and looking back, that's exactly where they were. The only way I'm going to grow strong enough to handle the storms that God allows to come my way are if I grow in His strength.
Yeah, yeah, that's a concept. Growing in God's strength. But how do I actually DO that? And that's what God helped me to see, sitting on that rock. True faith is active. True faith isn't just a concept. True faith isn't treating God as a grandpa to go visit every Sunday, which is what I've been doing for a very long time. True faith is active, being insatiably thirsty for God's word and God's presence. True faith, unfortunately though, is very hard to keep up. At least for me.
So how do I keep being dissatisfied with where I am in my spiritual walk? How do I keep from becoming contented with where I am? It's only been two weeks, but it didn't take very long to see that my apathy isn't something that just gets erased because I sat on a rock in Canada and finally figured out a couple of things. I think it comes from not treating God as a concept, as an idea, but as the omnipresent being that he is. Not only is he here, with me, right now, but as David wrote in Psalm 139, the thoughts that he thinks toward us are more in number than the sand. Not just the sand of the sea, but of the sand, period. Like, of the planet.
That's a lot. And since my God is a god of infinite love, every one of those thoughts has my good as its purpose. And here's what gets me: Romans 5:8. While I was a sinner, he died for me. And he still loves me, even when I take all that he's done for me and I throw it back in his face like so much crap. I don't like that word, but that's what I treat it like. But God...
Has every day in the last two weeks been marked by upward spiritual growth, greater contentment in my God, deeper spiritual blessing in my devotion? Uhhhh, no. I'm still apathetic. But guess what? Being that tree on the mountain doesn't come in two weeks. It takes a lot of time to grow strong. But there's a way to speed up the process, isn't there?
Lord, I really don't like saying this, since You answer every time, but do what you need to to break the apathy of my heart.
Bring on the storm...
And you know, I'm inclined to think that it's true. When someone loves you, and you don't care, does it really matter? When someone gives you ultimate grace in dying for you, and you don't care, does it really matter?
Two weeks ago my apathy was encompassingly pervasive. I felt like I felt nothing toward God. Yeah, I was still putting on a good show, but in my heart I was finding it extremely difficult to care. At all. Going to college at Faith is really good for teaching me a lot about God, but it's still my own responsibility to learn to know God, and I was pretty much failing at it.
And then I went on a trip. To Canada, of all places. Ben Marx has been talking about it nonstop since he went last year, and I figured it would be really good for me to try as well. I figured that, at least, it couldn't hurt; at best it could change my life. And though it wasn't like a paradigm shift for me, it did provide the time to simply stop and reflect on my life, something that was terribly missing before. It gave me the time away from the cell phone and ipod and computer and people and stuff and stuff and more stuff.
It went from Saturday the 14th to Friday the 20th of May. Saturday and Sunday were actually spent in class, learning a bunch of things to which I probably should have paid better attention. The taught us "the learning cycle" which I didn't really try to understand and a bunch of other smaller things that I had trouble caring about. Then came Monday morning! We traveled to Algonquin State Park in Ontario and put our canoes in the water and shoved off.
And thus began the most incredible five days of my life. I've had good experiences before, things that I will never forget, but those five days taught me things I don't think I could forget if I tried. I don't have time/space to go into them all here, nor do they all apply to people other than me, but I want to tell you of the one that really helped me the most.
We canoed in for two days, which was a new experience for me, since you obviously can't canoe across land, so we had to carry the canoes on our shoulders, which is called portaging, which I actually used as an illustration in Sunday School this morning, but that's beside the point. The third day, Wednesday, we did this thing they call Solo Day, which is basically what it sounds like.
Base camp was on the northern point of a peninsula jutting out into a huge lake. Three of us took a canoe and paddled across to the west about 1500 meters or so to a large island, and from there we went our separate directions, one near the canoe, one going south a bit, and I went north. I found this rock outcropping that was pretty much on the north edge of the island, separated by a small channel that I had to walk through. It was just a small island about 60 feet long and 30 feet wide. It was gorgeous!
I spent about eight hours there. No food, no distractions; just a water bottle and my bible and a notebook, sitting on a rock for eight hours. What to do, what to do?
I went up there knowing that my apathy was something that needed to change. I made it my goal for the week that I wanted to learn to love God, but I had no idea how that would take form. But I realized, sitting on that rock, a very simple truth. Love for God isn't something that just happens. Strange as it may seem that I hadn't thought of this before, it's true, and that simple truth is what God showed me. So what to do about it? Well, obviously if it doesn't just happen, I've got to be intentional about it.
I used an illustration this morning about a tree that grows on a mountain. Those trees in the valley have all the others to help dissipate the wind of the storm, but the tree on the mountain has to grow strong or it dies, and the only way to grow strong is to be firmly rooted. Well, what are my roots in? Pretty sure that when they're in my own strength, my own discipline, my own pride, I'm not very strong, and looking back, that's exactly where they were. The only way I'm going to grow strong enough to handle the storms that God allows to come my way are if I grow in His strength.
Yeah, yeah, that's a concept. Growing in God's strength. But how do I actually DO that? And that's what God helped me to see, sitting on that rock. True faith is active. True faith isn't just a concept. True faith isn't treating God as a grandpa to go visit every Sunday, which is what I've been doing for a very long time. True faith is active, being insatiably thirsty for God's word and God's presence. True faith, unfortunately though, is very hard to keep up. At least for me.
So how do I keep being dissatisfied with where I am in my spiritual walk? How do I keep from becoming contented with where I am? It's only been two weeks, but it didn't take very long to see that my apathy isn't something that just gets erased because I sat on a rock in Canada and finally figured out a couple of things. I think it comes from not treating God as a concept, as an idea, but as the omnipresent being that he is. Not only is he here, with me, right now, but as David wrote in Psalm 139, the thoughts that he thinks toward us are more in number than the sand. Not just the sand of the sea, but of the sand, period. Like, of the planet.
That's a lot. And since my God is a god of infinite love, every one of those thoughts has my good as its purpose. And here's what gets me: Romans 5:8. While I was a sinner, he died for me. And he still loves me, even when I take all that he's done for me and I throw it back in his face like so much crap. I don't like that word, but that's what I treat it like. But God...
Has every day in the last two weeks been marked by upward spiritual growth, greater contentment in my God, deeper spiritual blessing in my devotion? Uhhhh, no. I'm still apathetic. But guess what? Being that tree on the mountain doesn't come in two weeks. It takes a lot of time to grow strong. But there's a way to speed up the process, isn't there?
Lord, I really don't like saying this, since You answer every time, but do what you need to to break the apathy of my heart.
Bring on the storm...
2 comments:
This was very good. Also very helpful. And yes, God does answer those types of requests.
You should try to write here more often if you get the chance. You're a good writer.
Thanks for sharing! And I agree with Jonathan...you should write more often. =>
Post a Comment